how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
