I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
