At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Someone came in the potted fern
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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