You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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