I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
