and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
