i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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