Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
