I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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