weddingsv make me drug and hornr
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
