I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
