don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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