i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Two words: nipple clamps
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