We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
