Porn is love you can see.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
