he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
