Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I could fuck to npr.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
