Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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