So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
