Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
