Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
