why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
