dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
