I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
