We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize