Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
