when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
