i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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