girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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