So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
