mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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