I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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