R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize