She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
