I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have fence marks all over my body
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
