Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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