p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
