I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
