Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
