I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
