Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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