Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
