the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
