she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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