Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
