so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
