I need to stop coming to work sober
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
