I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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