My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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