There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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