Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she looked like the before picture.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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