I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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