we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
