Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We need to rekindle our bromance
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
