is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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