It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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