Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Screwed.edu
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ketchup is God's man juice
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
