So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
