1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
