it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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