and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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