He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
