i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
