just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
