I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
