Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
