you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
