I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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