Only a mothe r could love this liver
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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