party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
