I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
