I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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