I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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