So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
