Your face is a jimmy john
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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