So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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